Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
