i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
