I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
