Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
