I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
