I hate all girls vehemently.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
