dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
