everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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