I think I am morally bankrupt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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