you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
