just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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