I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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