I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
