Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
