Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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