yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
