It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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