based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
