i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
