New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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