someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
