There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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