Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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