your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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