but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
