Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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