Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
