dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
