My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
