i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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