Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
