Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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