Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I came so hard my ears popped.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
