This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
