I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
