So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
