LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
