Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
