i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
