Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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