my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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