How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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