"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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