is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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