Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
