You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
