Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
