loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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