Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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