Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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